An Overdue Update
So, by the name change in the title, its not hard to figure out- God finally blessed us with a baby! And not one through adoption. Our very own child through birth, just as our hearts had always desired. I am currently 21 weeks 1 day. We find out the gender of baby on Tuesday. Since there is a lot to say, I'll start with where I left up and work up until now.
I know I neglected this blog when we hit our first stand still. Truth be told, there wasn't much to write about. And it was almost to painful. We never were allowed to pick back up even after two years. We actually found out that our file was closed a few weeks before christmas in 2011. They way it was handled was really cold hearted. Coming from a christian company, you would have thought it would have been handled better. All we got was a two line letter saying our file was closed. Not a phone call, not a meeting, not even an email...a two line letter.
After we recieved that letter, we were devestated. We were pissed at God. We did not understand what was going on, after all we fully felt led to go for adoption. Little did we know, that through our anger, tears, dissappointment that God has something in store. Looking back on the past 4.5 years of trying to become parents, and then reading the past entries, I feel every emotion. Even though i didn't see it then, I see it now. God was there. He was holding us every time we cursed him. He was wiping away every tear we cried.
It took me awhile and a lot of tears, prayers and leaning on God but I had given my dreams of being a mom over to him. I felt like I was hanging on to the one desire that I wasn't allowing God to work in me the way he wanted. It was not easy to tell God that I would still love him even if He didn't want me to be a mother. Little did I know, He was getting ready to bless us.
To keep a long story short, and to get a little personal, my periods had started regulating themselves on there own for two months at the end of 2011/2012. I felt like it was alright to use OPK's (ovulation predictor kits) and a lubrication called pre-seed that makes the internal environment more friendly for the little swimmers. To not go into any more detail, mid-feburary, my stomach just didn't feel right. Every time I sat up, it was like I had just done a million sit-ups. Since I had never experienced this before, i bought a cheap pregnancy test. I didn't want to spend 20 bucks just to have it be negative again. So I took one test before work on the 21st and it had a faint plus sign. I could see it, Matt couldn't. I posted it on a forum I had been apart of, and everybody on there saw it. During Matt's lunch, he texted me saying he could see it now. Needless to say, i couldn't wait for work to end. I held my urine the rest of the day. On the way home, I stopped at target and took the test in the store. And that is where I saw my very first blazing postive pregnancy test!! I sent the pic to Matt and called him but of course cell pics aren't the best and he couldn't really see it. After a long drive home, i showed him and he was in shock! Neither of us ever thought we'd get to see two lines on a pee stick before!!! That night we went out to eat to celebrate. It was kind of a quiet dinner as both our thoughts were going a million miles an hour!
I know I neglected this blog when we hit our first stand still. Truth be told, there wasn't much to write about. And it was almost to painful. We never were allowed to pick back up even after two years. We actually found out that our file was closed a few weeks before christmas in 2011. They way it was handled was really cold hearted. Coming from a christian company, you would have thought it would have been handled better. All we got was a two line letter saying our file was closed. Not a phone call, not a meeting, not even an email...a two line letter.
After we recieved that letter, we were devestated. We were pissed at God. We did not understand what was going on, after all we fully felt led to go for adoption. Little did we know, that through our anger, tears, dissappointment that God has something in store. Looking back on the past 4.5 years of trying to become parents, and then reading the past entries, I feel every emotion. Even though i didn't see it then, I see it now. God was there. He was holding us every time we cursed him. He was wiping away every tear we cried.
It took me awhile and a lot of tears, prayers and leaning on God but I had given my dreams of being a mom over to him. I felt like I was hanging on to the one desire that I wasn't allowing God to work in me the way he wanted. It was not easy to tell God that I would still love him even if He didn't want me to be a mother. Little did I know, He was getting ready to bless us.
To keep a long story short, and to get a little personal, my periods had started regulating themselves on there own for two months at the end of 2011/2012. I felt like it was alright to use OPK's (ovulation predictor kits) and a lubrication called pre-seed that makes the internal environment more friendly for the little swimmers. To not go into any more detail, mid-feburary, my stomach just didn't feel right. Every time I sat up, it was like I had just done a million sit-ups. Since I had never experienced this before, i bought a cheap pregnancy test. I didn't want to spend 20 bucks just to have it be negative again. So I took one test before work on the 21st and it had a faint plus sign. I could see it, Matt couldn't. I posted it on a forum I had been apart of, and everybody on there saw it. During Matt's lunch, he texted me saying he could see it now. Needless to say, i couldn't wait for work to end. I held my urine the rest of the day. On the way home, I stopped at target and took the test in the store. And that is where I saw my very first blazing postive pregnancy test!! I sent the pic to Matt and called him but of course cell pics aren't the best and he couldn't really see it. After a long drive home, i showed him and he was in shock! Neither of us ever thought we'd get to see two lines on a pee stick before!!! That night we went out to eat to celebrate. It was kind of a quiet dinner as both our thoughts were going a million miles an hour!
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