Christel's Take on the first meeting
So, we had our first meeting yesterday with Heather, our case worker. She seemed really nice. When she walked out to greet us, she had a huge binder, papers everywhere and I immediately went to being overwhelmed. She handed us the binder and went through what was in it. Its ours to keep and we take it with us to our education classes. The first hour was spent going over papers..what we had turned in, what we needed, etc. She was impressed because we had everything turned in already (she said nobody ever has everything turned in at the first meeting) so Matt and I were pretty happy about that! We also signed a few more papers and got even more papers to fill out...I think we've killed about 100 trees with all the papers we've gotten already.
The second and third hour was spent talking about us...how we met, what made us fall in love with each other, how did our families react,etc. I thought it was going well until she asked us why we were going through adoption. We explained that we tried for two years (I started crying while explaining) and that each month was complete turmoil after no signs of a baby. She asked if we went to the doctor and Matt explained our reasoning of not wanting to go. Heather even shared with us that they have unexplained fertility, so I thought she'd be a little more understanding. And even now, I think she went a bit unprofessional on pressing the issue. Its not like Matt and I just decided to not get tested...we talked and talked and talked about it and came up with a solution that worked for the both of us. We both agreed and she should be fine with that. After all its not her life. She also asked why now. She stated that most couples try for years before coming to her to adopt. I said that we've both known we want to parent for a long time, I've known I am meant to be a mom since I was a child myself. I said that two years was long enough and even though I know many couples go 7-8 years or more with no baby, that two years was enough torture for the both of us. We are young and feel like we have so much love to give. If we waited till we were 30 or 40 to adopt, then we may not have the energy or time to give to a child that we do now. She seemed to accept that answer. After a little more questioning, we were given another safe questionnaire to fill out. This one was more about if there was any abuse/drugs/alcohol growing up.
After the meeting, matt and I went to my mom's to relax for a little bit. We all went out to eat lunch and then Matt and I went christmas shopping. When we came home, we wrapped presents and then spent the rest of the day/night with each other, processing what all went on and how we were feeling. It was hard to get Matt to talk at first but I felt that God was working on his heart and I shouldn't press him. He did open up when we were relaxing together. Matt said that after writting his blog, that he really feels ok now that we may not have our own biological children. I was glad that God had worked on his heart on that because God has been working on mine for awhile now. Even though I'm okay with not having my own biological children, its still hard to hear of friends that get pregnant with no effort at all. But God's working on that too!
Now people will be asking whats next....we are in the process at taking a good look at our apartment and making it up to standards so we can be approved for a fosters license. Even though we won't be fostering children, we still need to have the license in case we decide to bring baby home from hospital before the parents rights are terminated. We also will have individual meetings with Heather, this will be to probably talk about our questionnaires and make sure we are really ready to do this. After that, Heather will come to our house and make sure its ready to have a baby in it. We will also be working on making a 6-8 page profile of us, our family and what we like to do. We will be making 10 copies of our profiles...5 to stay at the waukesha office and 5 to go to the fond du lac office. After that, its a waiting game. Heather said that for a healthy caucausian baby, that the wait has been 2-3 years but since we are open to everything, our wait should be shorter!
I want to take a moment to thank our friends and family for keeping us in your prayers and encouraging us these past few months. We will need more prayers and encouragement as things move forward and we thank you in advanced for those as well!
The second and third hour was spent talking about us...how we met, what made us fall in love with each other, how did our families react,etc. I thought it was going well until she asked us why we were going through adoption. We explained that we tried for two years (I started crying while explaining) and that each month was complete turmoil after no signs of a baby. She asked if we went to the doctor and Matt explained our reasoning of not wanting to go. Heather even shared with us that they have unexplained fertility, so I thought she'd be a little more understanding. And even now, I think she went a bit unprofessional on pressing the issue. Its not like Matt and I just decided to not get tested...we talked and talked and talked about it and came up with a solution that worked for the both of us. We both agreed and she should be fine with that. After all its not her life. She also asked why now. She stated that most couples try for years before coming to her to adopt. I said that we've both known we want to parent for a long time, I've known I am meant to be a mom since I was a child myself. I said that two years was long enough and even though I know many couples go 7-8 years or more with no baby, that two years was enough torture for the both of us. We are young and feel like we have so much love to give. If we waited till we were 30 or 40 to adopt, then we may not have the energy or time to give to a child that we do now. She seemed to accept that answer. After a little more questioning, we were given another safe questionnaire to fill out. This one was more about if there was any abuse/drugs/alcohol growing up.
After the meeting, matt and I went to my mom's to relax for a little bit. We all went out to eat lunch and then Matt and I went christmas shopping. When we came home, we wrapped presents and then spent the rest of the day/night with each other, processing what all went on and how we were feeling. It was hard to get Matt to talk at first but I felt that God was working on his heart and I shouldn't press him. He did open up when we were relaxing together. Matt said that after writting his blog, that he really feels ok now that we may not have our own biological children. I was glad that God had worked on his heart on that because God has been working on mine for awhile now. Even though I'm okay with not having my own biological children, its still hard to hear of friends that get pregnant with no effort at all. But God's working on that too!
Now people will be asking whats next....we are in the process at taking a good look at our apartment and making it up to standards so we can be approved for a fosters license. Even though we won't be fostering children, we still need to have the license in case we decide to bring baby home from hospital before the parents rights are terminated. We also will have individual meetings with Heather, this will be to probably talk about our questionnaires and make sure we are really ready to do this. After that, Heather will come to our house and make sure its ready to have a baby in it. We will also be working on making a 6-8 page profile of us, our family and what we like to do. We will be making 10 copies of our profiles...5 to stay at the waukesha office and 5 to go to the fond du lac office. After that, its a waiting game. Heather said that for a healthy caucausian baby, that the wait has been 2-3 years but since we are open to everything, our wait should be shorter!
I want to take a moment to thank our friends and family for keeping us in your prayers and encouraging us these past few months. We will need more prayers and encouragement as things move forward and we thank you in advanced for those as well!
I am so glad you two are completely open to adoption. I really wish more people were. I just use the illustration that God has adopted us in His family - we should be overwhelmed to adopt those in need into our families, whether or not we can conceive on our own or not. The God I know is a God of miracles and joy, and no matter how your child comes into your family, he/she will be a miracle and joy!! can't wait to hear more!
ReplyDeleteIt's seems very strange to me that your social worker pressed the issue so much of your "infertility", but I guess if she continues to make you feel comfortable, you can switch social workers. Be proactive! This is your family! :) Good luck!