Our son in heaven, Noah Nicholas
As the title states, we once again lost another sweet baby.
December of 2016 we decided to start trying for our third and last baby. On March 26th, I decided to test and it came out positive. We were shocked that once again, it happened so quickly for us. If you've followed our journey, it took us 4.5 years to get pregnant with Jeremiah. We quickly became excited, dreaming of what this little baby would be. Once again, my gut told me this baby was a boy. We spent days spewing off different names, wondering how Elliana would take to becoming a big sister, how Jeremiah would do with another baby in the house, etc, etc. And then our world started to crumble. On April 6th, I started spotting. We spent the entire month of april holding our breaths. I would spot and then it would stop for a day or two, and then start back up again. I'd have my blood levels tests every other to every third day. At first they were rising normally and we thought we were in the clear. Then my progesterone wasn't where it should be and we had to have some suppositories made up and ran to Sun Prairie on an emergency pharmacy trip, as they were the only ones in the area that made them. It was mid-april and my numbers stopped rising and started going down. The bleeding sped up and we knew we would be meeting this baby in heaven.
We were in shock that we were going through this again. We were so crushed, so defeated. We prayed, we cried, and we begged God to save our baby. But it just wasn't going to happen. This miscarriage was so painful for me physically. The pain meds the doctor prescribed would only dull the pain. I laid in bed for days straight. My mom had to come help me take care of the kids. My mom, she was our rock during that time. We would not have made it through that without her help.
And then, April 24th rolled around. I don't remember exactly when it happened, but the cramps changed. They felt different. I felt like my body was bearing down. And so I went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I felt my body push on its own and I changed positions and out came a huge piece of tissue.The contractions stopped. Something in me told me to pick it up. I did. I inspected it and found a little bubble. I cleared the blood off so I could see it better. Inside the bubble was a teeny tiny little baby floating around. I could make out the head and the tail end. I was in such shock that I found him. I sat there, in tears, prayed and told him how much I loved him and thanked him for letting me be his mom for those short 7 weeks. I apologized my body couldn't protect him. I told him I was so sorry and that I would see him in heaven soon. And then not knowing what to do, I placed it in the toilet and flushed. Hindsight, I wish I would have kept it and buried him. All that matters is that I know he is in heaven.
Once again, we were surrounded in love by our church family/friends, and our family. We wouldn't have made it through without their love and support.
And now its September. We took a few months off trying to heal physically and emotionally. But God willing, we will hopefully be able to add to our family sometime in the next year.
December of 2016 we decided to start trying for our third and last baby. On March 26th, I decided to test and it came out positive. We were shocked that once again, it happened so quickly for us. If you've followed our journey, it took us 4.5 years to get pregnant with Jeremiah. We quickly became excited, dreaming of what this little baby would be. Once again, my gut told me this baby was a boy. We spent days spewing off different names, wondering how Elliana would take to becoming a big sister, how Jeremiah would do with another baby in the house, etc, etc. And then our world started to crumble. On April 6th, I started spotting. We spent the entire month of april holding our breaths. I would spot and then it would stop for a day or two, and then start back up again. I'd have my blood levels tests every other to every third day. At first they were rising normally and we thought we were in the clear. Then my progesterone wasn't where it should be and we had to have some suppositories made up and ran to Sun Prairie on an emergency pharmacy trip, as they were the only ones in the area that made them. It was mid-april and my numbers stopped rising and started going down. The bleeding sped up and we knew we would be meeting this baby in heaven.
We were in shock that we were going through this again. We were so crushed, so defeated. We prayed, we cried, and we begged God to save our baby. But it just wasn't going to happen. This miscarriage was so painful for me physically. The pain meds the doctor prescribed would only dull the pain. I laid in bed for days straight. My mom had to come help me take care of the kids. My mom, she was our rock during that time. We would not have made it through that without her help.
And then, April 24th rolled around. I don't remember exactly when it happened, but the cramps changed. They felt different. I felt like my body was bearing down. And so I went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I felt my body push on its own and I changed positions and out came a huge piece of tissue.The contractions stopped. Something in me told me to pick it up. I did. I inspected it and found a little bubble. I cleared the blood off so I could see it better. Inside the bubble was a teeny tiny little baby floating around. I could make out the head and the tail end. I was in such shock that I found him. I sat there, in tears, prayed and told him how much I loved him and thanked him for letting me be his mom for those short 7 weeks. I apologized my body couldn't protect him. I told him I was so sorry and that I would see him in heaven soon. And then not knowing what to do, I placed it in the toilet and flushed. Hindsight, I wish I would have kept it and buried him. All that matters is that I know he is in heaven.
Once again, we were surrounded in love by our church family/friends, and our family. We wouldn't have made it through without their love and support.
And now its September. We took a few months off trying to heal physically and emotionally. But God willing, we will hopefully be able to add to our family sometime in the next year.
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